“So, what brings you here?”
I had been standing there, replaying how this situation could pan out for about a good three minutes before Eric spoke, breaking me out of my trance. My instincts wanted to lead me to his arms as a stream of tears trickled down my face, brushing off the light MAC foundation I had applied earlier. But no, he had to answer the door so…dryly, making that scene straight out of one of those cheap romance novels completely out of the question.
I was known for being a bit hot headed, so ultimately my “Pissed Erin” mode went into full effect.
“Eric, he went berzerk,” I heard myself screech as I threw my 1,000 dollar Hermes bag on his couch like it was Joey’s head. Right then I realized just how pissed I was. It’s no way in my right state of mind that I’d be throwing that 1,375 dollar bag on anyone’s couch. I worked hard and saved up for all my over priced bags and of course they don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Eric once again interrupted my thoughts…
“Berzerk like how? Did he hit you?”
Why does this man always think Joe is dumb enough to put his hands on me? Geez…
“No, he just went off about me going behind his back and saying I don’t love him, which I don’t know if I do anymore. I felt really bad. I think we have to stop talking Eric. I can’t do this anymore.”
Shit, let’s rewind. Did I just say that? I mean, I know I meant the whole “I can’t do this anymore” thing because really, it was becoming a pain in my right ass cheek. And yes, I did feel bad. And of course I’ve been going back and forth trying to decipher if I still love Joe or not. But “I think we have to stop talking, Eric?” No bitch, no! Eric was the only thing in my life that WAS going right or that I didn’t have to question. Sure, he had some annoying tendencies as every side guy probably does, but to just stop messing with him altogether? I couldn’t even believe my damn self when I said it. I hope I don’t have that stupid “uh oh” look on my face.
“ERIC!” He was zoning again, probably in as much of a shock as I was…
“Huh?”
“I mean, what do you think I should do? I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time I don’t want to lose you.”
You know, human beings are so funny. We always let what WAS hinder us from what CAN BE. I don’t know why it was so hard for me to realize that Joey and I clearly WERE something great, but no longer are. Eric on the other hand could be my new great thing…goodness, get it together
“Well we could always take a trip to
And here he goes with that again. Ever since he got that advance from the record label he seemed giddy to spend it. I was never raised to run from my problems so I definitely wasn’t about to start it this late in life. I hope the blank stare I shot at Eric conveyed that to him…
“Orrrrr … you could just go be with him. Leave me alone. Obviously this isn’t helping either one of us.”
Oh damn, guess that blank stare was a little too good.
“I mean really, I was liking you a lot but obviously things between us wouldn’t work out. Who are we kidding? Amazing sex, great conversations, peacefulness? Who needs those in a relationship. Look, I have to go get some groceries so maybe you should just go back home before he gets worried again.”
Wow. I wanted to grab him by his wrinkled little t-shirt and smack some common sense into him. Clearly I’m sitting here, confused as hell, and now he’s saying some shit I definitely didn’t expect to hear. Groceries? This is serious business here, damn it. I got the sick feeling that Eric was getting beyond fed up with this whole “man on the side” deal, but never in a hundred years did I think he was fed enough to suggest me to…walk away.
“I think you should go.”
And now this motherfucker was kicking me out? I grabbed my bag and gracefully made my exit, making sure to switch a little bit harder reminding Eric of what he was missing. Pissed was a complete understatement to describe how I felt at the moment, but I was still unsure of who I was angry at. Joey? Eric? Or myself? Eric did have the right to be angry, I suppose. Maybe my selfish ways had gotten the best of me. Had I really just been dismissed from 7 months of heaven with a real life angel?
Great job,
6:37 PM
6:08 PM
7:50 AM
And here he goes with these damn text messages. Driving and texting has never been something I deemed acceptable, especially when I’m not in a lax emotional mind state. Eric knew that, and yet I felt him trying to start this whole “I hate being the man on the side” talk up again.
It’s way too early for this shit. Plus, I have to think of some clever story to explain to Joey while I was out all night. Instinctively I replied to his first text but ignored the second. Like I said, it was too early for all that. Now let’s think
I pulled up at our apartment, still unsure of just what I’d say. Fuck it, I’ll wing it. Before I could get the key in the door, Joey flung the door open looking like a lost child in Walmart just as Eric said he sounded. I almost laughed thinking about that but quickly figured this wasn’t the place and damn sure wasn’t the time to be laughing.
“Babe, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the night I had. Talk about the worst night ever--”
“
“Joe, you’re being silly. Calm down. I’ve had a long night and I’m really not in the mood for this shit this morning.”
“So I called that number back on the caller ID. You had car trouble, eh? If that was true, why wouldn’t you call ME of all people?”
Car trouble? Did Eric tell him that? He should really brief me on these kinds of things so at least our lie is on the same page…geez.
“Didn’t I just say I wasn’t in the mood for this?”
Damn, why did I say that? See, Joey was the abusive type. Not physically, of course. At 6’1 and about 240lbs, there was no way he could put his hands on a woman 5’2 and 105lbs without someone noticing. But his words surely could leave a sting equivalent to physical damage, causing fragile me to sometimes break down altogether. Not this morning though. When he started up his various name-calling and colorful curse words, I grabbed the same shit I came in there with and walked right back out the door. I could still hear him yelling as I walked down the hallway to the elevator, tears streaming down my face like a big kid.
Now where the hell was I going to go? I picked up my cell phone and dialed, almost in trance. I heard his voice on the other end…
“Hello?”
“Eric, I’m coming back over.”
“Uhh, ok … I mean, sure. I was just on my way out to get some groceries but I can wait for you, I guess.”
“Thanks.”
Why the fuck am I going back over there? Frankly, I’m ready to wash my hands of this whole situation. That’s definitely one of those things that’s easier said than done. I know I love Joey. Hell, I guess he’s what you would call my first love. But dare I say I’m also in love with Eric? Is it even possible to be in love with two people? Have I fallen out of love with Joey? So many questions, not enough answers.
Before I knew it I was standing at Eric’s door step, looking a mess I imagine, waiting for him to answer the door. The swinging of the door blew his Lacoste cologne full blast up my nose. He surely wasn’t the kind of guy I usually went for. Standing there in a semi-wrinkled Abercrombie & Fitch tee and complimenting jeans, I almost smiled at the sight of him. He had a way of making me want to smile without even trying.
“
Here we go again…
5:28 PM
Part I
The constant ringing of the phone interrupted my sleep. Great, my dream of performing on the moon was ruined. Guess I shouldn’t eat Chinese food so close to calling it a night.
I could hear Eric’s terrible attempt at an Australian accent, although I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. He’s so cute when he does that. I looked at my cell phone remembering it had died the night before. Squinting my eyes to read the digital clock at my side I checked the time. Shit, 8am. Did I call Joey from the house phone last night? Smart move,
My thoughts were interrupted as Eric pushed me to floor, unaware that I was half awake anyway.
“What the fuck?”
So I guess my speculations were correct. Joey had called Eric’s house phone back and
now Eric was all extra nervous, telling me how I needed to get home and blah blah blah. To avoid the whole discussion of it all, I replied with a simple “Oh” and grabbed my things to get back home. How in the hell did I get myself in this situation? This is so not the
I kissed him hard before I left. It reminded me of kisses Joey and I use to share all the time back when things were all good. I’m officially in too deep. Damn it.
5:09 PM
